


Loving You For You

by AHeartForStories



Series: AHeartForStories' Febuwhump 2021 [10]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arrow - Freeform, Astrid Hofferson Whump, Astrid Hofferson-centric, Comfort/Angst, Declarations Of Love, Established Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson, F/M, FebuWhump2021, Febuwhump, Heavy Angst, Infertility, Insecurity, Love, Serious Injuries, arrow wound, astrid whump, lady whump, womanhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29472057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AHeartForStories/pseuds/AHeartForStories
Summary: Written for Febuwhump Day 10. Set after Httyd 2. When Hiccup brings up marriage, Astrid gets cold feet and Hiccup has a talk with her about that.
Relationships: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson
Series: AHeartForStories' Febuwhump 2021 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2137413
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30
Collections: febuwhump 2021





	Loving You For You

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Febuwhump prompt: "I'm sorry, I didn't know"
> 
> Had some difficulty writing this one, which has been my biggest problem with catching up with these days. I've got Days 11 and 12 written, maybe I can get them up today, too, and finish off Day 13. I won't have caught up, but I'll have closed the distance just a tad.
> 
> Constructive criticism is appreciated.  
> Enjoy!

"AH, FUCK!" A loud shout and a curse leave Astrid when she and Stormfly speed past a Hunter ship and an arrow surprises her and lodges itself deep into her lower abdomen. Pain erupts and it's probably one of the worst she's had so far, worse than when the arrow hit her leg that one time.

Startled by the cry from her Rider, the Nadder quickly veers away from the fight. She no longer wants Astrid to be a part of the fight. For once, the warrior doesn't protest.

"Astrid?!" Hiccup can be heard crying out to her in fear. In his anger, Toothless makes quick work of the Hunter responsible for hurting her, part of the deck blowing apart from the force.

"You bastard!" The other Dragon Riders share that anger and Hiccup's fear. It's Snotlout who yells.

Away from the battle, Astrid looks down at herself to see how bad it is.

She finds the offending object impaling her low in her stomach, very low. And from the angle it has entered her and from how much of the shaft is still visible, she can't see that it's in there deep. It can't just be removed by her, maybe not even by Fishlegs.

"Guys, let's finish up this fight and let's do it quickly. We need to get this over with and help Astrid." She can hear Hiccup order their friends and looks back to watch them while Stormfly circles high above, too high to be hit.

The remaining Dragon Riders seem to take it to heart, she can see the battle intensify as their attempts to sink those three ships grow fiercer.

"Astrid and Stormfly, head to Berk! Fishlegs and Meatlug, follow them and make sure they're okay! The rest of us will catch up when we finish this fight!" It's Hiccup's next order as the second of the ships begins to sink.

"On it!" Fishlegs can be heard yelling back while Stormfly finds the direction that will lead them home and flies into it.

He and Meatlug catch up to them, the Gronckle having pushed her short wings to do so.

"Astrid, are you okay? How bad is it?" Fishlegs looks at Astrid, who sits there hunched with her hand covering her wound to help stabilize the arrow.

She removes her hand and lets him take a look.

He just needs a single glance and grows pale.

"Oh no,"

* * *

Stormfly successfully got her human to Berk safely and Gothi helped Astrid remove the arrow and heal from her wound. It was fortunate that, despite the depth of the wound, it wouldn't cause her to bleed out, neither externally nor internally, which was what Fishlegs had feared.

The arrow was removed with caution and Astrid managed to get back up on her feet relatively quickly after letting herself recover. It took much insistence from Hiccup, Stormfly, and her parents.

But even so, complications arose with time. Astrid could feel it, something inside her body was no longer working right.

So she sought out Gothi's help, but what the elder healer told her, she kept to herself.

The years come and go, Astrid doesn't tell anyone what Gothi told her, not even her own father and mother. Not when she and Hiccup end up together, not when he proposes to her or offers her his betrothal gift, not when he becomes chief.

But then comes the reality that they have to tie the knot at some point. With Hiccup having been chief for at least two years and peace breaking up their warring with enemies, it seems like the perfect opportunity.

So while enjoying an intimate dinner with just the two of them after a relaxing moonlit flight to help them de-stress after a hard day's work, it feels almost natural for Hiccup to bring up the wedding they have yet to plan.

Their new home on the island of New Berk brought them peace, their tribe has settled nicely, and the pain of losing his father, while it will never entirely go away, has found an acceptable place in his heart where it can heal. There couldn't possibly be a better time to bring it up. If they waited any longer, they might be in trouble again and that might mean the wedding's going to be postponed again.

When Hiccup brings it up, however, Astrid bails on the conversations. Because she suddenly remembers what Gothi told her some years earlier and Astrid, a warrior through and through, panicked.

Deep inside, she knows she has no reason to fear. And yet, she finds herself sitting next to Stormfly, who sleeps peacefully and still appreciates her human's petting.

Astrid is ashamed of herself. For running away like that, for possibly giving Hiccup the idea that she no longer wants to marry him, for hiding something so serious for so many years.

But as is Hiccup's nature, he worries and that means Astrid doesn't find herself alone with her dragon for very long.

"Hey, uh, are you okay?" He asks, standing outside of Stormfly's stables. "If I said something wrong or if it's too early-"

"No, it's... it's not you, Hiccup, this is just..." Astrid sighs, not sure what she should say. She should come clean about this because this will no longer be an issue that will affect only her if she wants to go through with this marriage. And she wants to, by the Gods, she wants to.

But that requires coming clean about a secret that fills her with great shame, a secret that makes her feel incomplete and less of a woman, which she was always proud to be.

"Okay, if it's not me, then what is the problem? Do you want to talk about it?" Hiccup offers his listening ear.

Astrid looks up to him and feels a lump already burning in her throat, anxiety swallowing her up. She hasn't talked about this with anyone before, not even her own mother.

But Hiccup is supposed to become her husband at some point, isn't he? And hasn't he always been her most trusted confidant? Maybe she should tell him.

She reaches a hand for his, but instead of him pulling her up, she pulls him down to sit with her.

Figuring that this means she wants to talk, she has yet to tell him otherwise, Hiccup settles with her front facing her, expression worried, and waiting patiently.

His hand settles on Stormfly's beak and the dragon sleeps even happier.

Astrid doesn't start talking immediately. She attempts to word her explanation in her mind first and finds that she isn't satisfied with any way she tries.

Maybe she should just go for it. She can't back out now, it'll only bother Hiccup and he'll gently prod and poke on occasion until she eventually caves and finds herself unable to keep it from him any longer. When that happens, he'll find out anyway, so perhaps, she should just spit it out.

"I..." She starts and stops immediately after and that is already a bad sign to her betrothed, who knows her well enough.

Gods, she feels like she can hardly breathe, having buried this shame so deeply inside of herself, repressed it so much that it hurts just to get it to roll off her tongue.

"Hiccup, I can't... I-I can't... I can't have-" She has to take a deep breath, beginning to sweat, and feeling frustrated that she can't just bring herself to say it. Her fists are balled up to her face.

"Take your time," Hiccup advises her as he doesn't mind waiting, he's a patient man and he'd rather have her explain whatever's bothering her on her own time rather than push her.

That there is no pressure helps her relax and it loosens her tongue enough.

"I can't have kids, Hiccup! I-I can't... I can't have _your_ kids." It takes such effort for Astrid to admit to it, putting emphasis on the part that matters most to her. The "your". _His_.

She has rejected the very notion, pushed it away into the darkest depths of her soul and locked it tightly behind shame and anger. There are tears burning in her eyes and she tries to suppress them, too.

She is strong, she's a warrior, she's a _woman_. She's not going to shame herself further by crying.

She's too afraid to let her gaze meet Hiccup's, but she can tell from the corners of her vision that he wears an expression of shock, eyes wide and mouth agape.

"I'm... I'm so sorry, Astrid, I didn't know."

Astrid looks at him in surprise. Why is he the one apologizing? He's not the one who kept his infertility hidden for so long, the one who lied, and selfishly kept their relationship going knowing it was only going to end badly for both of them.

Because a chief needs children to carry on the line and if those children never come, someone will be blamed. And if not her, then they will blame Hiccup. They'll blame the runt and Astrid fears that's all they'll see him as again.

She should be on her knees and begging for his forgiveness.

"What happened? Can I know?" Hiccup asks gently, taking her hand in both of his and moving to sit closer, their knees touching one another.

She doesn't understand why Hiccup isn't mad, but his reaction so far helps her feel relieved and assured enough to talk. She feels like she can tell him.

"Remember that one time when an arrow hit me in my lower stomach?" She watches as he nods, gaze briefly averting as he remembers. "Gothi says it's to blame."

"Oh," Hiccup replies, not sure what to say while his grimace says enough. He remembers that arrow. Back then, he could barely look at it, empathic enough that he could almost feel that arrow impaling his gut.

That it had such devastating consequences makes him feel even worse about it. He can't imagine what that must be like, not the pain of the arrow, but the pain of knowing you can never have kids, though you want to.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Astrid. I'm so sorry you have to go through it now." He tells her and sits closer to lay a hand on her shoulder before pulling her in for a hug.

Astrid accepts it gladly, throwing her arms around him in turn and feeling the tears slip from her eyes without her permission. She's emotional, relieved, and sad all at once. Every little emotion she's repressed throughout the years, they all come flooding out now.

But there's also a part of her that's terribly confused.

"Hiccup, you need kids. How are you not mad? Or even disappointed?!" Astrid has to ask as she knows he has a line he has to continue. He has always known and he's been family-oriented for as long as she's known him, which is all their lives.

Hiccup chuckles, but there's no humor behind it.

"I'm not the one going through this, Astrid!"

Pulling away from the hug, he gives her that smile of his. The one that says "oh, you" in an utmost loving way. He tucks some of her loose hair behind an ear.

"I'll admit, I did look forward to it, when we were both ready. I've been raised to believe that I would have them someday, even before I met Toothless, I never imagined my future without them." Hiccup is honest as he talks with her, admits to having imagined a future made brighter with at least a kid or two.

This is a sensitive topic to her and, as such, Astrid averts her gaze, ashamed.

"But, Astrid, hey." He continues, taking her hands again and squeezing them to make her look back at him. Lowering himself to meet her gaze with his like she does whenever he can't look at her when he's down.

"Kids aren't the reason why I want to marry _you_." He tells her when her eyes look back at him.

"I want to marry you because I love you and I love you for you. Whether this means kids or no kids, that doesn't matter as much so long as it's you I'll have the luck of spending the rest of my life with." His hands move again and this time they settle on her cheeks, cupping her face in a warm hold as he looks at her with just as much love as he did before he knew.

He means it.

Touched, Astrid places her hands on his and smiles, her tears now more happy than ashamed.

It doesn't matter to him that she can no longer have his heir. He loves her and it's her that he wants to marry, not her womb.

Her, Astrid, the warrior, the Dragon Rider, the woman, the person.

She can't keep these happy tears from falling either and she smiles.

"I want to marry you for you, too." She tells him and his smile brightens in turn.

She goes in for another hug, one Hiccup responds to in kind and he holds her to his chest, his head resting on hers.

"What if we do wed and it becomes a problem?" She asks uncertainly, her cheek nestled warmly against his chest.

"Then we'll take care of it. I'm pretty sure we've dealt with a lot worse than judgmental villagers." Hiccup replies and reminds her of all they've been through together as Dragon Riders. If they do end up dealing with some nosy gossipers who will pry and judge, they'll deal with them. _He'll_ deal with them.

Satisfied with this answer, Astrid snuggles in as close as she can and shuts her eyes. Hiccup adjusts his arms, able to tell what her intention is, and holds her as tightly as he can.

It still hurts and it will do so immensely for... Astrid can't tell for how long. She's been carrying it all alone for years, she hasn't even begun to truly let it sink in. She doubts Hiccup has and he's only human, he'll mourn it, too.

But before the pain comes, before the mourning, the wedding, and the prying and gossiping that will inevitably come, she's content staying here. In his arms, loved for who she is and not what she is supposed to give.


End file.
